How to Raise a Brat!

Today, many people have been successful at raising brats. All I have to do is observe and record. Here’s some of the finest advice you’ll ever receive:

WHEN A BABY, DON’T LET HIM CRY IN BED. Do not allow YOUR baby to suffer any hardships, especially in infancy. Run to his aid as soon as he cries. He’ll soon know how to control you, rather than you controlling him. This way, they’ll expect to be pampreed all of their lives.

LET HIM SAY “NO”. It’s so cute. Let that be his favorite word. Sure, it’s rebellion verbalized, but he should be allowed to have a mind of his own.

DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY DUTIES OR RESPONSIBILITES. Do it all for them. Then they’ll think this world owes them a living. They’ll quickly join the crowd of grown up babies shouting, “I’ve got my rights!” rather than those who are men and women enough to fulfill their responsibilites.

NEVER SPANK THEM. When the senior citizens today speak of spanking as being “the way we used to do it,” remember, grandma and grandpa were “child abusers.” Don’t ever discipline your child. Wait until they’re in trouble, and let the penal system (prisons and jails) discipline them. Listen to child psychologists – who never raised children of their own, and not the old timers who raised 5 or 10 children successfully!

THROW OUT THE BIBLE with its admonitions like: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes [early in life].” Proverbs 13:24. “The rod AND reproof (teaching that exposes wrong) give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Proverbs 29:15. You can only develop a true brat if you won’t properly discipline them.

DEFEND THEM IN SCHOOL. Always take the child’s side. Teachers and principals have “got it in” for the little angel. Understand that your child can do no wrong. Expect teachers and principals to know that too!

CRITICIZE LEADERS AND PREACHERS. You can’t trust them. Tear down authority in front of them. Make sure they hear you. They’ll live in insecurity, not knowing who to trust. They will be totally prepared for a life of rebellion. They will not learn to properly fear anyone and will probably lose their jobs when the boss asks them to do something. Don’t tell them that many of those in leadership positions are good people who are sincere, and have never been indicted of anything. Leave them with the impression that they are all bad.

DON’T EVER SAY “I LOVE YOU.” They can figure that out! After all, you’ve given them everything they’ve ever wanted. What more can a parent do? Of course, don’t give them yourself!

GIVE THEM EVERYTHING THEY WANT. Buy something for them every time you go into a store. Never say “no” to them. When properly trained this way, they will be used to having their every appetite fulfilled immediately. When they grow older and develop natural sexual appetites, they will have been trained by you to seek immediate fulfillment. Teen pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases shouldn’t really surprise the parent then. Sooo…give them everything they ask for while they are kids.

NEVER TEACH THEM THE BIBLE. Teach them math, science, history, art, music, reading, and physical education, but don’t teach them the Bible. Let them decide for themselves. Make them go to school 5 days a week, but don’t take them to church for one hour on Sunday.

ALWAYS TRUST YOUR CHILD. He’s a little angel. He wouldn’t dare do anything behind your back. Did you ever ask a young person whom you catch smoking, “Do you smoke at home?” Usually the answer is, “You’ve got to be kidding, my parents would kill me.” Remember, that’s the other kids in town, yours would never do that.

SCREAM AT YOUR CHILDREN. This is the only type of communication necessary to raise a brat. Time spent answering their questions and instructing them is wasted time. The only training really required of parents is potty-training. After that, it is the obligation of daycares, preschools and schools. Scream constantly, and the fond memories your children will have of home life will assure you, as a parent, that your kids will never take care of you when you’re old.

LET YOUR CHILD COME AND GO AS THEY WILL. Don’t set any boundaries. This will lead to a life of insecurity. Brats don’t need guidelines.

MAKE SURE THEY ARE POPULAR. They must be in with the crowd- their peers! Don’t let them be an ‘oddball.’ If they follow the crowd, the crowd will become the greatest influence in their lives. Nothing to fear there, right?

LET THEM WATCH TV CONSTANTLY. Keep them away from reality. Let them live in fantasy all their lives. Brats need entertainment! A life of comfort and ease produces high-class brats. They won’t know how to deal with reality or real people, but maybe they’ll just go into seclusion rather than becoming contentious or hostile. It’s usually one or the other.


NEVER ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO SHOW RESPECT FOR OTHERS, or respect for someone else’s property. Allow them to abuse what is not theirs. Never teach them to show gratitude to parents or others.

CONCLUSION. Brats are produced, not born. It takes no effort to obey the above principles. Otherwise parents should prepare themselves for a life of heartbreak for it is sure to come.

If, by any chance, a “brat” is not your goal as a parent, consider the Scriptures: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.” Proverbs 29:17. Joshua said, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15.

Mom and Dad, isn’t it time for you to make a decision to ask Jesus Christ to be your Saviour? That’s where real help starts. Ask the Lord to come into your life and heart, save you from your sins and give you eternal life. Then, bring up your children right. Ephesians 6:4 says, “And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Get into the Bible and find out what God says about parenting, and do it! Then you will have children that will give rest and delight unto thy soul!