Stress-Free Christianity

If you have read through this entire magazine, it would be absurd for you to ask if there is any such thing as a stress-free Christian life. But believe it or not, similar to every other gimmick being promoted on television, the ‘Christian prosperity — no suffering — God wants us all well’ gospel is very popular.

Let me endeavour to sarcastically suggest seven steps to a stress-free Christian life.  Of course, for me to effectively present this fallacy I must ignore the godly examples of the Bible and then disregard the demands for discipleship.

Backsliders may use the following seven steps to a stress-free Christian life:

1.  Ignore Truth: Pay little attention to the message and vision of your pastor and pursue the ideologies of other ministers which are less demanding.

2.  Relocate: Move away from the immediate vicinity of the local church.  This act is very important and will keep you at a safe distance from the daily chores and responsibilities of the church property, while allowing you the liberty of being away from the watchful eyes of the saints so you can live as you please.  Who needs the stress of shovelling snow, mowing the lawn or keeping the church property protected from thieves and vandals?

3.  Hold on to Your Money: Do not pay tithes or any other pledge, and before you give anything to the church make sure that priority is given to your personal liabilities.  Your money was not earned easily, and as such, personal pleasure and retirement should be your main focus.  Do not stress yourself with the needs of others in the church.  Hold on to your money!

4.  Abandon Spirituality: Do not stress yourself with fervent prayer, Bible study or church attendance.  Convince yourself that you do not need to take on burdens that Jesus already shouldered at Calvary.  Works are not important and your spiritual life though casual, is acceptable to God.  After all, God is love!

5.  Ignore the Fellowship: See your so-called personal relationship with Jesus as the most important element in your spiritual life.  No need to be burdened with the burdens of the fellowship.  Well, it is too costly and time consuming to attend boring fellowship meetings.  Plan a vacation instead among the ungodly.

6.  Idolize Your Job: Never sacrifice your secular job for church going.  You can convince yourself that God understands and He knows that sometimes you are too tired from your job to attend church.

7.  Worship Yourself: To enjoy a stress-free life, the main focus must be yourself.  Do everything with self gratification as a priority.  Pamper yourself, enjoy the world—put yourself on the highest pedestal.  Worship yourself!